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(no subject) [Feb. 22nd, 2007|06:18 pm]
girl
do you ever have that dream
when you open your mouth
and you try to scream
but you can't make a sound
that's everyday starting now
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Anywhere out of the World, Charles Baudelaire [Feb. 18th, 2007|08:06 pm]
girl
Life is a hospital where every patient is obsessed by the desire of changing beds. One would like to suffer opposite the stove, another is sure he would get well beside the window.
It always seems to me that I should be happy anywhere but where I am, and this question of moving is one that I am eternally discussing with my soul.
"Tell me, my soul, poor chilly soul, how would you like to live in Lisbon? It must be warm there, and you would be as blissful as a lizard in the sun. It is a city by the sea; they say that it is built of marble, and that its inhabitants have such a horror of the vegetable kingdom that they tear up all the trees. You see it is a country after my own heart; a country entirely made of mineral and light, and with liquid to reflect them."
My soul does not reply.
"Since you are so fond of being motionless and watching the pageantry of movement, would you like to live in the beatific land of Holland? Perhaps you could enjoy yourself in that country which you have so long admired in paintings on museum walls. What do you say to Rotterdam, you who love forests of masts, and ships that are moored on the doorsteps of houses?"
My soul remains silent.
"Perhaps you would like Batavia better? There, moreover, we should find the wit of Europe wedded to the beauty of the tropics."
Not a word. Can my soul be dead?
"Have you sunk into so deep a stupor that you are happy only in your unhappiness? If that is the case, let us fly to countries that are the counterfeits of Death. I know just the place for us, poor soul. We will pack up our trunks for Torneo. We will go still farther, to the farthest end of the Baltic Sea; still farther from life if possible; we will settle at the Pole. There the sun only obliquely grazes the earth, and the slow alternations of daylight and night abolish variety and increase that other half of nothingness, monotony. There we can take deep baths of darkness, while sometimes for our entertainment, the Aurora Borealis will shoot up its rose-red sheafs like the reflections of the fireworks of hell!"
At last my soul explores! "Anywhere! Just so it is out of the world!"
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(no subject) [Mar. 10th, 2006|10:17 am]
girl
she was cuffed to the truth like the truth was a chair
bright interrogation light in her eyes
her conscience lit a cigarette and just stood there
waiting for her to crack
waiting for her to cry
his face scampered through her mind
like a roach across a wall
it made her heart soar
it made her skin crawl
they said, we got this confession we just need for you to sign
why don't you just cooperate and make this easier on us all

there was light and then there was darkness
but there was no line in between
and asking her heart for guidance
was like pleading with a machine
cuz joy, it has its own justice
my dreams are languid and lawless
and everything bows to beauty
when it is fierce
and when it is flawless

on the table were two ziploc baggies
containing her eyes and her smile
they said, we're keeping these as evidence
'til this thing goes to trial
meanwhile anguish was fingering solace
in another room down the hall
both were love's accomplices
but solace took the fall

now look at her book of days
it's the same on every page
and she's got a little tin cup with her heart in it
to bang along the bars of her rib cage
bang along the bars of her rib cage
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(no subject) [Jun. 24th, 2005|08:29 pm]
girl
you don't know, so don't say you do --
you don't.
you might think that things will change,
but take my word --
they won't
you paint a lovely picture,
but reality intrudes
with a message for you
and it's real bad news

i was undecided like you
at first
but i could not stem the tide of overwhelm
and thirst
you try to keep it going, but a lot of avenues
just aren't open to you
when you're real bad news

i've got love and anger
they come as a pair
you can take your chances
but buyer beware
and i won't
make you feel bad
when i show you
this big ball of sad isn't
worth even filling with air

and baby, let me tell you
you can get some things confused
like whose secrets are whose
and that's real bad news
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(no subject) [Feb. 7th, 2005|09:03 pm]
girl
you can doubt anything
if you think about it long enough
cuz what happened always adjusts to fit
what happened after that
and it's hard to feel like you are free
when all you seem to do is referee
remember when it was just you and me
steppin' up to bat?

and win or lose
just that you choose this little war
is what kills you
and either/or it's that this war
is maybe also what thrills you


we thought we left possession behind
but truth is i was yours and you were mine
and now i've replayed a thousand times
exactly what was said
cuz nothing is as it appears
in the funhouse mirrors of your fears
on the roller coaster of all these years
with your hands above your head

and win or lose
just that you choose this little war
is what kills you
and either/or it's that this war
is maybe also what thrills you

i don't care how fast you run
just tell me, baby, that when you're done
with your little marathon
you still got cab fare home
cuz the finish line is a shifty thing
and what is life but reckoning
and, you know
you are still the song i sing
to myself
when i'm alone

and win or lose just that we choose
this little war is what kills us
and either/or it's that this war
is maybe also what thrills us
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(no subject) [Jan. 18th, 2005|09:39 pm]
girl
buildings and bridges
are made to bend in the wind
to withstand the world,
that's what it takes
all that steel and stone
is no match for the air, my friend
what doesn't bend breaks
what doesn't bend breaks

we are made to bleed
and scab and heal and bleed again
and turn every scar into a joke
we are made to fight
and fuck and talk and fight again
and sit around and laugh until we choke
sit around and laugh until we choke

i don't know who you were expecting
probably some bitch who does not budge
with eyes the size of snow
i may get pissed off sometimes
but you seem like the type to hold a grudge
and in the end, i just let go...

buildings and bridges
are made to bend in the wind
to withstand the world,
that's what it takes
all that steel and stone
is no match for the air, my friend
what doesn't bend breaks
what doesn't bend breaks
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(no subject) [Jan. 8th, 2005|11:03 am]
girl
what I've kept with me
and what I've thrown away
and where the hell I've ended up
on this glary, random day
were the things I really cared about
just left along the way
for being too pent up and proud?

woke up way too late
feeling hungover and old
and the sun was shining bright
and I walked barefoot down the road
started thinking about my old man
it seems that all men
want to get into a car and go
anywhere

here I stand:
sad and free
I can't cry
I can't see
what I've done
no, God,
what have I done?

don't you know I'm numb, man, no,
I can't feel a thing at all, 'cause it's
all smiles and business these days
and I'm indifferent to the loss
and I've faith that there's a soul somewhere
that's leading me around
I wonder if she knows which way is down

here I stand:
sad and free
I can't cry
and I can't see
what I've done
no, God,
what have I done?


and I poured my heart out
and I poured my heart out
it evaporated...
see?

blind man on a canyon's edge
of a panoramic scene
maybe I'm a kite that's flying high
and random, dangling a string
or slumped over in a vacant room
head on a stranger's knee
I'm sure back home
they think I've lost my mind

here I stand:
sad and free
I can't cry
and I can't see
what I've done
no, God,
what have I done?
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(no subject) [Dec. 29th, 2004|11:36 pm]
girl
Leaf by Leaf and page by page
Throw this book away
All the sadness all the rage
Throw this book away
Rip out the binding and tear the glue
All of the grief we never even knew
We had it all along
Now it's smoke

The things we've written in it
Never really happened
All of the people come and gone
Never really lived
All of the people have come have gone

No one to forgive smoke
We will not write a new one
There will not be a new one
Another one, another one
Here's an evening dark with shame
Throw it on the fire
here's the time I took the blame
Throw it on the fire
Here's the time we didn't speak
it seemed for years and years
Here's a secret
No one will ever know the
reasons for the tears
They are smoke

We will never write a new one
There will not be a new one
Another one, another one

Where do all the secrets live
They travel in the air
You can smell them when they burn
They travel
Those who say the past is not dead
Can stop and smell the smoke
You keep saying the past is not dead
Stop and smell the smoke
You keep on saying the past is not even past
And you keep saying
We are, smoke
Smoke, smoke
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(no subject) [Sep. 6th, 2004|08:19 am]
girl
sitting in my glass house
while your ghost is sleeping down the hall
watching little birds fly
kamikaze missions into the walls
think i'm gonna stay in today
sit on the couch and watch them fall

life just keeps getting harder
and it just keeps getting harder to hide
the darker it is around me
the easier it is to see inside
outside the glass
the whole world is magnified
and it's half an inch
from here to the other side

yeah i guess that push has come to this
so i guess this must be shove
but before you throw those stones at me
tell me, what is your house made of?
and if you think you know what i'm doing wrong
you're gonna have to get in line
but for the purposes of this song
let's just say i'm doing fine
i guess i'm doing fine

trapped in my glass house
the crowd has been gathering outside since dawn
i make a pot of coffee
while catastrophe awaits me out on the lawn
i think i'm gonna stay in today
pretend like i don't know what's going on

yeah i guess that push has come to this
so i guess this must be shove
but before you throw those stones at me
tell me, what is your house made of?
and if you think you know what i'm doing wrong
you're gonna have to get in line
yeah but for the purpose of this song
let's just say i'm doing fine
i think i'm doing fine
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(no subject) [May. 3rd, 2004|10:47 pm]
girl
Barren stares as they light up the screen
bearing teardrops that shatter
in slow motion
novocaine our brains
and we're out like lights
And as I'm growing older I'm bored
I remember when misery thrilled me much more
when I can't relax
and I'd like to go back

but that's gone
(we don't think that way no more)
yeah that's gone
turn around
turn the volume down
we're counting the days down
to the day when we'll live
in a video
I'll be stonefaced and pale
you'll pout in stereo
twenty four hours every day of the year
oh, what fun,
I can't wait 'til the future gets here

Closing in on the pain and the torture
he's slamming the door
like it's something to strive for
the girl tearing curtains down
looks funny as hell
and of sense of humor
can there be any doubt
yeah, that natural selection
has weeded it out?
just to keep me from laughing out loud

Well, I've seen some old friends
sort of die
or just turn into whatever
must have been inside them
whatever all of us had then in common
grew up
and left home
we don't think that way no more
turn around
turn the volume down
we're counting the days down
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